Want to communicate with us? You’ll have to do it in one of the following old-fashioned ways; we don’t “do” “comment” systems:
Letters to the Editor
If you wish to say, “howdy-do!”, ask a question, or express your opinion by “commenting” on anything on the site, please feel free to send a good old-fashioned “Letter to the Editor” using e- or regular mail. All letters must contain your full name, address, and telephone number; they will be verified by staff prior to publication. Family members should air grievances only during Thanksgiving when I shall be far away enjoying my freedom to refuse to breathe clouds of tryptophan and dysfunction, washed down by the dregs of bitter regret.
Unverified comments and demands for “tarring and feathering” will be immediately deposited into the round file and will not be published. We reserve the right to edit a “Letter to the Editor” for clarity, length, civility, legality or just because we don’t approve of your choice of font. In other words, we do things the old-fashioned way, like old-timey newspapers used to do every day. Or have we mentioned that?
Sending a “Letter to the Editor” via e-mail? Use this address: a i r b e a g l e | at | g m a i l | d o t | c o m. Because you’re probably not as old-fashioned as we are, we assume you know how to translate that into a proper e-mail address. What, one may ask, gets our attention in a communication from our dear readers? Respectful disagreement. Lack of clichés. Secret whistleblowing. Requests for corrections not contained in a “Demand to Cease and Desist” letter on a legal firm’s letterhead. Imagination. A sense of humor. Long walks on the beach and cornflakes in the moonlight. Use your imagination, but remember a good old-fashioned rule of thumb: Always think thrice, THRICE I TELL YOU! before hitting the “send” button on that death threat!
Snail Mail (Preferred)
Send a paper “Letter to the Editor” at the following snail mail address: Editor, 3128 Jonesboro Drive, Nashville, TN 37214. If you really want to be as old-fashioned as we are, use a quill pen on parchment, put it in a leather pouch, give it to a messenger on a horse and leave off the fancy-pants modern zip code. And if you do, we will not only applaud you, but also feed, rubdown and stable your messenger and his horse. They can both bed down in our barn. Unless the messenger is really cute, then we reserve the right to substitute better treatment for him. Your messenger’s a “her”? How avant-garde. She should probably be prepared to be on her way by nightfall. We don’t swing that way.
Good luck! Can’t wait to hear from you! Write if you get work!