I had a better afternoon yesterday with anxiety, probably because I took a nap at lunch in an empty classroom. It helped a great deal.
But the bigger issue that is emerging is the one that has been my prime concern: my physical capacity to deal with the pain, nausea and fatigue and keep up with the demands of the grad program. I can’t write to take notes and spending all day in class on the keyboard and then going home and doing homework all evening is putting me in pain. The nausea is getting worse as I take more and more methotrexate and so is the fatigue, which will be compounded by the demands of the program.
Worst case: I’m thinking of trying to hold on for the summer term, after which I would have 11 grad credits, which could be transferred to a program that I could via distance learning over a longer period of time. It would allow me to pace myself.
In the meantime, I’m in pain and I’m sick and I’m tired of it. But all I can do is hang on.